In “Back in the Loop,” Morgan DiPrimo explores one of the most pervasive and damaging beliefs in eating disorder recovery: the conviction that you are “not sick enough” to deserve help.
Drawing on her own experience with anorexia, she describes how the eating disorder functions like a skilled lawyer — seizing on any evidence (eating a meal, going to school, laughing at a joke) to argue that nothing is really wrong. She compared herself constantly to others, to media portrayals, and to earlier versions of herself, constructing an imaginary standard of what a “real” anorexic was supposed to look like. Any deviation from that standard became proof she wasn’t truly struggling — even as her life was being rearranged around the illness.
DiPrimo reflects that anorexia doesn’t only ask you to deny yourself food; it asks you to deny yourself life — experiences, relationships, emotional development, connection. She describes becoming “emotionally anorexic” alongside the physical illness, withholding from herself the things human beings need.
The piece also addresses the role of blame and the difficulty of accepting help, noting that recovery requires turning toward yourself — not as a source of fault, but as the one person you actually have the power to change. She closes by reflecting on what it means to come back: not just to eating, but to being present in your own life.
Originally published on morgandiprimo.substack.com.
